The holidays are over for us. Tomorrow I’m going back to a very terrifying place, school. However, even though I associate school with the word ‘terrifying’ I will eventually get back into the old habits and start to love it. And why? Because for some inexplicable reason that annoys me very much, being in a certain place long enough makes me hesitant to leave it. I’m always scared that if I leave it, I’ll never be able to return and that this will be the last goodbye. That was the way I felt on the last day of term.
The first time is always the best time. Revisiting a place, knowing that you’ve changed, you won’t look at the place with the same enthusiasm, wonder and curiosity that you did on the first visit. When you’re little, when you know little, the world can seem like such a big place, something out of your reach. Like it was hard to comprehend, but that’s not the way everyone looks at the world.
The really sad thing is, if you try to tell this to someone who barely understands you, they’ll try and comfort you but their comfort doesn’t seem genuine or consoling. Their comfort only leaves you with more questions and confusion. People who don’t understand the world the way you do, only distort our perception. Is the world an unfair place for those who are learning?
I’m a student. And though I’m young, I don’t think I’ll ever know what I want to do. Because lately, distancing myself from the things that annoy me, like hypocrisy and cruelty, have been on my mind. I don’t think that people are realising that by trying to live our lives and trying to make a living for ourselves, we’re leading a selfish life. Can I call it selfish? I don’t know, but that’s how I’ve always looked at it.
I’ve watched others and tried to communicate my thoughts to them, but how could they understand? I saw that they didn’t really think about things like this and hearing from someone smaller and insignificant to them probably made them more hesitant to hear it. But the truth is, I’m confused. I can try to push it out of my head but when I put my thoughts where I can see them staring back at me, I feel less lonely.
My thoughts, are extensive. They jump from one thing to another. Seems that I have a problem with almost every little thing. I feel so alone and bound to the past. I could, if I wished, let go of it and unlock myself from what holds me back. But why would I, this is me, this is who I am, I find beauty in the things that no longer can exist. Because like every living thing in the world, our time here is never eternal.