I cannot keep the insanity and madness inside of my mind any longer. I must let it go, I must beg for the impossible. I must release these thoughts of madness, of pain against the simplicity of a normal life. I must seek the unexplored. And I must do it alone. Only one who shares my vision of uncontainable, unforgiving restlessness of a dreamer can accompany me on the unseen road to pleasure. I must for now, be alone and in time perhaps, I’ll be equipped with one who understands this burden. But if I am to do it all alone, I will become more than a dreamer. The insane passions and thirsts that have been with me on each ride, with every aching step, every blink of these tired eyes, every breath, each and every pronounced word, will become a life to me. Watch it consume me and turn me into someone whose delusions house her weary soul. It scared me to write to you what appears to be the inevitably of my state, but it troubles me very little now. Why deny the truth? This is the other side of reality where my darkest fantasies rule. It is a kingdom, powerful and magnificent, strange in every way and beautiful. Carmen keeps writing, Carmen keeps dreaming and Carmen keeps on crying. She said the summer brings forth sadness, when the heat is unbearable that the doors holding us within the cooler places become barriers where we lose connection with the world. She eats sweet ice creams because her life turns sour to the point that she cannot think on it any longer. And when the Sun descends each and every day, she escapes the prison for guilty pleasures under the rays of the sinking Sun.