I don’t know how to be happy anymore. I think I forgot ages ago. The only way I can hide how sad I am is when I’m joking. And people, they’ll never know, and if they did, I doubt they’ll ever do anything. All I want, is for someone to be honest with me. I don’t want all these fake assurances that never last longer than the time it takes to say them. Someone’s kind eyes and warm words can soften my heart that I fear has hardened over the course of these years, this lifetime, and may never return to its former state. And though I’ve managed to reserve a small amount of hope for each and every experience, it has been an ordeal to withhold these emotions of despair, rage…the colour of flames and defeat. For right now, I truly accept and surrender myself to God above for help. I’m sick and tired of clinging onto these insecurities that drag me down and I feel my soul slipping away like sand through my fingertips. And I pray so hard every night for peace and redemption.