I feel like I’m hiding so much shame and regret within me. These things that I never really took the time to pay attention to and now that I do, there is this force inside of me that is making me feel immensely guilty. I was amoral then, I didn’t know what was right and what was wrong. And because of that, I did things how I wanted to. I hurt people, I said things I shouldn’t have said, I made enemies and I didn’t know how to make up for it. Is it the Devil who’s been making me feel this way? Is he the one who’s trying to bring me down when I want to reach Salvation. I am truly sorry to those who I’ve hurt. And I tell myself everyday that I wish I didn’t do those things. I’m scared to look weak, I’m scared to be rejected and pushed away. But how can I honestly ask for acceptance when I know that even Jesus Christ was rejected and condemned to the Cross for doing nothing wrong?
I deserve much more, for even when I’d learnt my mistakes, it’s not as if I tried to stop and rectify what was wrong and broken. I’d seen a lot from the past, and I have to say, my childhood was honestly one in ruins. I felt lonely, angry and confused. Why did it have to be this way? But instead of dwelling on the past, I want to ask for forgiveness from those I’ve hurt and forgive those who have hurt me. I want to find peace and solace because living a life with regret has been something that scared me ever since I was little.
In a world like this, I need God to carry me through. In a world like this, I honestly don’t look forward to living any second longer. But with each and every breath I’m given, I want to thank God for revealing to me how grateful I should be for each and every thing I have. I know that today, I still say and do things that make me a failure in His eyes but I feel the effect of my hurtful words and try to better myself…
Dear Lord, help me not to dwell on the negative things of life. Help me to focus on You and not to be idle, so that I may ask you what purpose you have for me in my life. I pray that those that I have hurt will forgive me. Be with me Lord, to give me the strength to offer the same forgiveness and compassion that you gave on the Cross to those who persecuted and condemned you to your death. Help me to understand the power of Forgiveness and Redemption in a world sinking in sin and anger. Where there are many who seek to take revenge on those that have harmed them, help us to see You and invite You into our hearts. Help us to see what the Grace and Love of God can do to transform our live because we honestly need You so much now in these Last Days. Give us the Strength to carry us through each and every day, help our thoughts to be pure and clean. Our words and deeds to be kind and loving so that we may inspire others to follow in Your example. Help us not to be called Christians for name-sake, but practise Your teachings in our daily lives. Give me the wisdom and knowledge and perseverance as I go about each and every thing. Have mercy on all of us. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN.