I look around with more caution than I’ve ever felt. Because now I’m worried to open myself and allow someone to see me for all my mistakes. This feeling of loneliness kills me. I can’t tell them because they already hate me and no matter how many times I tell myself I’m young and it’s in my mind, I’m returned to despair in the quietest moments of the day. It will either happen today or tomorrow, or the day after that. Why do they cry in front of others and laugh in front of me? Why is it that I can never allow myself to be happy? Why am I always worried about what happens in the future? It’s the hardest thing to learn how to be kind and loving. Especially when I’ve never known what it feels like from a young age. And they can say, that it was always given to me. But I’ve never felt it, so maybe that’s my mistake. What can I do? What’s the point of trying to reverse what happened? ‘Cause I’m ready now; ready to finish this last page of my story. Better to live this life without fixing a problem that could never be solved, than spending my days wasting my effort on complications stealing my joy.
So it is the beginning and you and I are here together. I can see your misery staring into my hollow eyes. I’m wondering to myself, will we ever go back there? Back to the meadows. Will we ever feel flower petals whilst basking in the sunshine? But when you don’t speak, I’m lost. Don’t leave me here to do this all alone. Please, don’t deny what we had. Maybe it was all a farce. But this time, it’s going to be for real. Because this isn’t a game, it’s us two fighting for life. And while everyone else laughs, we have to push on. Because we just want to shine. And you know that we have to be more than what we are now…no-one ever said it was going to be easy.