HEAVEN

HEAVEN

You make me think of money and the future when I want to think of things sweet and rose-gold.

I put my music on loud, blocked out the world, close my eyes because I don’t wanna be alone.

You would laugh, with your shining eyes see me as an amusement, but fail to see the longing within.

That deep down an emptiness eats away, an emptiness I’m trying to fill with you.

And that past midnight, I cry because I realise I wanted that day when I read my poems and cried,

What had I done to myself, caused myself such beautiful sorrow, I’d relive the horror but nobody cared, 

It seems I’m at the end of my line, people say that when they read these words and maybe that is,

Can’t see me for the freak I am, I’d cry and push you away if you said you loved me,

I have believed there is no love, no love for me, but I am in love with my insanity,

My insanity, which bites back and scars me, I’ve given up counting how many scars are left to heal,

If you want the shiny things, don’t chase after me, chase after that beautiful girl, 

I’d say, “Be happy in your silken dream. The times we had were good enough.”

Sometimes I think God is angry at me, because I act like a fool and bring this misery on myself,

Dear Lord, I am sorry that there is no one to blame but me, but thanks for each gift you gave,

You gave me each breath, you gave me each thought that rung clear, blinded me and made me brave,

Without these gifts what would I be, tell me Lord, are my words helping anyone, that is all I want,

For redemption, peace and forgiveness seems unattainable on Earth, so take me to HEAVEN. 

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