It is never so easy for ourselves, to let go of the past. I used to be able to push things I never wanted out of my life, but I can barely put up a fight anymore. I’m both conflicted and overjoyed at the life I live, but I tend towards the end. I am lonely, but those around me only make me feel more inclined to be alone, because that word is beautiful; I feel worthy of something more when I can see the world behind a glass window. And before, when the rain meant nothing, when grey was another shade, when I controlled how I felt, it all shattered like someone had thrown a rock at my window. Reality shatters and melts like clear lava, burning me and piercing through. I emerge with fiery eyes and a flaming mind and my heart’s burning ’cause of a lonely life. 

All the girls in the world want to shine like the glittering stars we can’t see anymore in the night sky, but when I burn out I’ll do so like a supernova and they’ll remember my name. When I speak the truth, clear as day, it leaks out bright like the sunshine on a golden blue day. I come home and I smile & laugh, I forget how beautiful music can still be and how silly I’ve been. In the end, this is all a silly joke, and my words will move you like the music that moves me…to keep me alive. My heart is aching for a world I can look upon, a world I can smile to & with. ‘Cause glitter means nothing against this uncontrollable urge to hope for a better world. 

All the boys in the world, I may never understand your mind. But those two, who have bruised me and this is the truth, how are you any different from the stars whose name we hardly remember? All you have is me, who knows you, who knows how much you hurt me and how your scars linger like a shadow. For that is what you have been in my life, a shadow that I should have never allowed myself to fall into.

I could just as easily give up hoping, but it’s the call of the void that makes me turn to prayer for the solace because why do I feel like I’m the only one that can see sadness and tears? I’m crying hard in my prayer because I want someone to wipe your tears away; life was golden then but we lost track of the goal along the way.

If I get through this void, it will be the greatest high of my life.