PLAYING WITH FIRE

PLAYING WITH FIRE

If I get to leave Melbourne, will it only be when it is too hard to say goodbye? Does everything in life come like that? That to be grateful you have to suffer the loss of what once was. 

There we go again, the worry bubbles up like a volcano and they’re all calm as can be. I’m the flame above the candle and I know I’m running low on fuel as I submerge into the warm pool of wax.

I’m not safe exposed, but I’m not designed for this fear, I was meant to love the danger of the thrill. What is with my affinity for the flames that keep me calm and frightened all at once?

My mother wants the best for me and I tried to listen but I can’t tell her that I no longer venture into those dark waters like I used to. 

They don’t know the trauma I went through, do they even know what it’s like when all you want is peace but you can never escape the pandemonium?

It’s not too much to ask, but I can’t do what you ask, I fight inside and tear against my emotions like a beast chained in cages I too, am meant to live wild. 

It’s my sin that I follow the silver screen too close to the book but that is my sin and mine only to bear, why try to control this warring soul? 

This city swallowed me whole, chewed me up and spat me out leaving me broken and withered, but even then I fell in love with its sapphire skies and the soft moonbeams shining through the scarlet sunset. 

I told myself four years after the terror began that I would sing only with my eyes closed tight because I could still love even when I had been broken.

I must love these flames because they let me feel like a human again and like a human, experience happiness, but I am still playing with fire.   

Who told us to stop? We’re the real heroes left, we don’t stop no matter who tells us…if you knew that at the beginning you’d know you were always brilliant. 

It’s a dark world and we’re the candles that flicker fiercely in the cold night. I hope you know that I always could’ve loved you.

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