You might think my sadness is fake, but that’s because you’re gone before you can see my tears fall. 

I want to believe that if you find no one to love before this is up then you are alone. 

I’m afraid that the truth is even if I find love I will still really and only be alone. 

With where the world is heading, wherever it is heading, will I ever see my family again? 

For once, I’ve come to accept, numbly, things are insanely and dangerously out my control.

Afraid so much, my pain turns to aches that are like slow lightning & my breaths hot air.


I’ve always believed that I never needed to question that I was blessed.

All avenues both begin and end in doubt whilst I wonder if there is any humanity left in humans.  

I remember those years where my heart became stone and I couldn’t turn to prayer fast enough. 

And all the remnants of love, passion and childhood hardened as the volcano inside slowly exhaled its last breath.

Lava that seeped in and around the things I loved and broke my connection from and to them. 

But the volcano is dormant, my emotions are not dead, they are asleep. 

They all want the world to go back to normal, but on a scale like this we will never rememeber or forget. 

Who are the villains and who are the heroes, where did all the whistleblowers go? 

My mind is no longer standing on solid ground, but my hands are clinging past the clouds reaching towards heaven.

From here, the clouds may fall on us, they may suffocate and smother us or flee as lightning tears the sky in two. 

If we all go blind and confuse this pain as passing pleasure then this will be the apocalypse of our time. 

Like life could ever really go back to normal when our fingers twitch at the next global disaster.