I had expected that this year would free me, ironically, I have been kept inside for the longest period of my life. Moments that I thought I had healed from all those scars, seems I am still hurting when I dwell too long on it. What I would give to be like a child and be invincible even when I probed all those things that had hurt me. If we open the door to doubt, are we forever trapped? How do you expel ghosts of the mind that you cannot exorcise like a demon? Do you lie to yourself and do you continue to live life in pain? Was I destined to live like this? Since I hate the lie so much, I have been in a state of perpetual pain. What seems to make it worse is that the faces of those around me are alien, they laugh at the sight of me in pain, not because they are sadists but because perhaps, they themselves don’t understand what it is like to be in pain. Maybe they’re better than me at hiding in the shadows and swimming with the current. There are no trophies for trying to survive, and trying to live life. There aren’t medals for those who pursue truth and find truth deep within their hearts in the quiet, silent moments of night. There is no applause when you learn to befriend the enemy in your dreams. Like money could cure that pain. I pray and hope GOD is looking down on me and promising that I will find my respite in heaven if all I seem to do on earth is struggle to find my place. Let me never ever succumb to the lie because I still hold my soul more valuable than animal obsession. I’m holding on to the string and walking closer and closer to the cutting of the thread of my life; my final breath. In that moment, I think I will see the curtains of life torn down, and the ghosts and demons descending on my soul. But I will be pulled above rising above the last wave. My soul will finally be free from the savages that longed to tear apart all that I am, it is in GOD’s hands.