I have been locked up inside these walls of physical and mental design. I have watched the seasons pass behind the glass window of one empty room. The moments that I stepped outside of the door, I hoped that I would have the chance to live like innocence again. But this is a hopeless dream and I can’t seem to evade the shadow growing large upon me that maybe what I am writing I do not know. Each time I try hard I fail. When I force something to happen, I fail. But when I am never looking for it, when I lose all faith, only then can I witness some glimmer of hope. When the lockdown ends, I am afraid of going out into the wild. All of them animals, I have to become like them, wild and savage. None of my friends are there for me. They all have betrayed me and don’t know it. I keep thinking that I wish I were born in another time of life, but is there any time under the moon that there isn’t betrayal and infidelity? Everyone thinks they can plant their feet into the ground and not move, but the waves keep coming and receding. We are all just caught up in its movement. Some don’t fight and swim with the current thinking they will never have to reach the shore and others are swimming against it. Trying to keep our head above water, trying to sur-vive. Once the mind has frozen the soul, you can only operate under pretense. Smiles are nothing, nor are the reassurances spoken. Growing so afraid and alone under the moon, the temptation to sink below is great. How some have gone on this long in this matrix seems to haunt me. Because I take each breath and breathe it out, but I feel like all I do is a corruption to the innocence of earth.