·MARY HELEN·

They broke my fingers and they broke my bones. I am a ghost gasping through the exuberance of life. They haven’t seen horror like I have. The horror that neither moves you nor breaks you, but with one iron palm muffles you. The memories are not within me. They climb up on the walls like moon beams and leave a trail of cold stars. They whisper that they are out of my reach and life plays before my eyes like a vision.

The last post was written before the news of my grandmother’s death. The day after I wrote it, I had a strange feeling that something was going to happen. When I heard the news of her passing, I thought about the strangeness of time that brought about these sequence of events. I pray she is now at peace and rest joyfully roaming with lions.

I’ve given up hope in my work and refused to believe my words had any power let alone strength. My grandmother brought up memories and made me realise the preciousness of life. I’ve been in regret for not having spent the time to speak to her because I was so consumed in my own loneliness and lived in oblivion to the binding factor of time. My grandmother raised me up and taught me, being herself an educator. She worked hard for her own kids and showed them love. I know it is expected for a grandmother to love her granddaughter but being me, it’s something I never really understood till the moment that I would never be able to feel it again. I’m sorrowful because I never even knew how to return it. The greatest burden is when I ponder at night if she felt unloved in her final moment.

Yes, my most cherished post is the last one. And yes, this series was supposed to be completed in January but for reasons stated above it’s been greatly prolonged and I don’t really mind. Hope you all take the time to read it, if you care to. I also pray for everyone whose gone through the loss of a loved one during the pandemic. To be separated by distance, time and touch is a pain only understood by those endure it. Another thing, my grandmother taught me to love GOD; that I would be able to go through all of my struggles in life because of GOD’s grace. And the troubles ahead are great, how greatly I need GOD through this passing of generations.

Dear Lord, have mercy upon her soul. I know that she is now with thee. I ask for thy forgiveness for failing to show the love, I believed no longer lived in me, to the one who needed it the most. I hope somehow she may know that I did care and my prayers for her were sincere even if spoken in secret whispers. Amen.

In these times of solitude I’ve realised how far we have strayed from the path of GOD. There are many who go unloved and live in great pain. Often it takes longer for people in this world to realise this before they even do anything about the greater pandemic of sorrow in the world. I don’t mind if you don’t read all of these posts but I hope that you take the much needed time to pray for one another even if it is for some stranger across the globe because I believe GOD will listen to us if we realise that our brokenness is a reflection of the shattered mirror of a world we live in. Only GOD can make a masterpiece out of our broken pieces. God Bless.

  1. THE FIRST WAVE, DECEMBER 17TH
  2. MANY BEGINNINGS, DECEMBER 19TH
  3. LIVING LIKE ANIMALS, DECEMBER 21ST
  4. READY TO PAY MY DEBT, DECEMBER 23RD
  5. WAVES BEATING AGAINST THE TEMPLE, DECEMBER 25TH
  6. CONTRACURRENT, DECEMBER 27TH
  7. THE WORLD HURTS, DECEMBER 29TH
  8. HAVE YOU EVER SAID A REAL GOODBYE, DECEMBER 31ST
  9. THE BLUE LIE, JANUARY 2ND
  10. REST ON YOUR WINGS OF FIRE, JANUARY 4TH
  11. SINGING MAXIMS, JANUARY 5TH
  12. THE APPETITE OF NAMELESS PAIN, JANUARY 6TH
  13. TWILIGHT SWIMS IN CIRCLES, IT’S TWILIGHT AGAIN, JANUARY 30TH
  14. THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE, FEBRUARY 18TH
  15. THE ABUSED, MARCH 9TH
  16. MENS DEI, MARCH 9TH
  17. LIFE, MARCH 9TH
  18. FINAL VISION, MARCH 9TH
  19. THE FIRST OF ME: 2021, MARCH 14TH

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PHOTO CREDITS
CLEAR VISION BY VESNA DELEVSKA